Search
  • Jessi Franks

Seasons



Planting. Watering. Tending. Nurturing. Sprouting. Flowering. Harvesting.


All are stages of growing. I often find I love planting seeds and then zip across the stages to flowering and harvesting with little self compassion for the time watering, tending, nurturing, or sprouting might need to take place. I’m ready achieve my end goals – instantly.


When there is no visible progress towards those end goals, OR if I feel like I’ve taken steps backwards, I start to emotional beat the sh*t out of myself.

No patience for lack of (visible/measurable) progress.


In a time in life when “the hustle” and displays of work are deeply valued, I understand why I feel the pressure to achieve instantly, yet I’m still emotionally tearing myself down. Dark thoughts have been swirling and spinning this month.


On my vision board, I’ve added a few Post-It notes of choreographers, artists, projects I’d love to work with/on in my career. With my dark thoughts in the forefront of my brain, those Post-It notes have been a reminder of my lack of accomplishments in 2021. They have felt more discouraging and far reaching than inspirational and actionable.


I am certainly working towards my goals the best I can on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I have circumstantial limitations (money, time, energy, etc - as we all do) to navigate that might be preventing me from making the “overnight” goal deadlines I was so deeply seeking. The recurring theme the last two weeks is “I’m exhausted”. Honoring rest is, at my core, my greatest trigger of my shadow self. i.e. – If I take rest, I’m lazy. If I’m not doing something, someone else is doing it, therefore doing it better and will get the job. Productivity determines your value. And so on and so on.


My self worth is so tied up in “producing”, “progressing”, “achieving”.

If I rest, I can not do those things, therefore I’m failing.


My intellectual brain understands that this All Or Nothing Thinking is irrational and not helpful. If I rest, I’m likely to awaken or start again with my energy and more clarity to be even MORE productive. There is a lot of research behind the effectiveness of high quality rest and breaks for a happier, healthier, more productive environment. YET, I haven’t embraced this piece.


When I woke up this morning, I wondered if my goal for this moment might actually be “To honor my body’s needs”. *My heart sank, and I knew it was a good place to start.


In my “field” where I have planted these “seeds”, I see ALL of the weeds. I’m sure there are some flowers in there and some beauties sprouting, but my eyes and brain can ONLY see the weeds this month.


What I’ve deeply been craving this year, has been EMBRACE and CONNECTION (both physical and emotional). After 2020, like so many, I felt a deep isolation and disconnection. I’m so grateful 2021 has seen life moving about more and more. It feels lovely to share space with dancers in person again. But I’m still longing for luxurious hugs, walking together arm in arm, and sitting shoulder to shoulder with friends and loved ones. To be seen, felt, comforted.


I pray that as I tend to my field and remove these weeds, that I can give my flowers more light and room to grow. Maybe I’ll even find that someone else’s seeds have blown into my field and are now growing, connecting, and sprouting with my harvest.


New Goals

*To acknowledge where I am at in the moment, and honor my body’s needs.

*To connect with others, with myself, and with nature

*To release the expectation of a timeline for my beautiful big picture goals

*To allow, to flow, to pivot with love


Photo by @adrisurfsport Please check out this stunning work on Instagram!

1 view0 comments

Recent Posts

See All