With Love and Time, There Is Change
On Friday night, I experienced a strange moment.
I was doing some yoga before bed- spinal twists, happy baby, shoulder stand into plow pose.
To all my yogis out there, you know the goodness of this pose at the end of your practice.
To all my non-yogis, give it a google. It’s one of my favorites.
Anyhoo, as I roll down from plow pose, I spend a moment giving my hammies a little extra love. As I’m gazing at a freckle on my arm, and I think to myself “Wow, my arm is beautiful”.
If you know me well, you know that neural pathway of thoughts does NOT exist for me.
My body dismorphia is strong! I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 14, and it has been flaring up for a few years here and a few years there over the last 20+ years.
So for this thought to exist, plus for it to be genuine and spontaneous, is unreal.
Over the years with the help of therapy and books, I’ve been mindfully working on appreciating all that my body does for me. Plus I've added a gratitude journal to my morning routine along side some strategic affirmations - like "I am healthy", "My body knows how to heal", "I trust myself and my body", "I’m grateful for the air in my lungs", and on and on it goes. Most days the exercises felt very much like exercises rather than genuine feelings, but I continued the practice hopeful for a change one day.
Flash forward to this genuine moment, which was so surprising and unprompted that I was truly in awe. I witnessed progress in real time. I am truly grateful for my body for keeping me alive every day. It does so much without my conscious attention - breathing, digestion, blood filtering and flow, neural communication, bone strengthening, and the list goes on forever. It’s overwhelmingly incredibly when you start to rattle off everything it does.
Before I get too lost in awe and/or too overwhelmed, I just want to share that change, with time, patience, practice, support, and some surrender, can really happen!
With gratitude for you, body and mind!